Then dont. Stop going and live free from the cult bullshit that is poisoning your life. You can avoid DF and DA and just fade to maintain contact with family and you have the sadly perfect reason, depression.
Killing yourself is a very permanent fix for temporary problems and dealing with the underlying causes of these feelings would be the way forward. If this is ongoing then seek professional help for it instead of suffering in isolation. Getting back some control over your life instead of being a passenger on an unwanted journey completely changes your outlook.